


Hot Chocolate is Always Necessary

by noxic



Series: Time Falls Away When I'm With You [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Evan's dad is a huge dick, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Biphobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Let Evan Say Fuck, Lots of Crying, M/M, No Romance, One-Sided Attraction, Oneshot, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 22:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11344539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxic/pseuds/noxic
Summary: Jared knows that Evan hates late night phonecalls. So when his phone rings just before midnight, he's understandably concerned. The good news: Evan isn't dying. The bad news: he sounds like he's crying.Alternately: Jared will always come running for Evan's sake.





	Hot Chocolate is Always Necessary

**Author's Note:**

> Happy third installment everyone :)
> 
> Warning to anyone who hasn't read the first or second parts yet--this will be kind of confusing if you read them out of order, as they're organized chronologically for now. Obviously I can't stop you from reading this one first, but I don't recommend it!

Jared’s phone rings at 11:13pm on December 23rd, right as he’s settling into bed with an Xbox controller in his hand and Call of Duty up on the TV. For a split second, he considers just ignoring it, but then he realizes that there are very few people who could possibly be calling this late at night, and relents. He sits up straight when he sees Evan’s contact lighting up his phone screen, and he taps ‘Accept’ without hesitation.

“Hello?” he says as soon as the line connects.

There’s a soft sniffle from the other side of the line that sends Jared’s brain into overdrive, imagining his friend in any number of situations that could possibly bring him to tears. Granted, there are a lot of them--Evan is a sensitive guy--but what could be so bad that he’s calling Jared in the middle of the night like this? Even before Jared started pushing him away, Evan had always considered late phone calls an imposition  _ and _ a stressor, and would never have bothered Jared with them if he could avoid it. “Evan?” he says, trying not to panic as worry consumes him. “You okay, dude? What’s going on?”

There’s another pause, and he hears Evan take a shaky breath before he starts to speak.

“Um,” Evan says finally. “Yeah, no--I’m fine, it’s just…”

He trips over a few more words, trying to start sentences before his brain can decide which one is going to come out. Jared waits patiently for him to get frustrated, pause, then take a deep breath as he gets his thoughts in order.

“My dad called.”

Jared hopes that his sigh of pure fucking relief doesn’t come across too loudly over the phone.  _ Goddammit _ , he thinks, letting some of the tension in his shoulders fall away. The situation, if he’s reading it right, is still bad. But at least Evan isn’t dying or something equally dramatic.

“Where are you?” Jared asks softly, already up and looking around his room for where he put his shoes and his car keys.

“Wh- Jared, you don’t have to--” Evan starts. “You don’t have to come over, I just--”

“My phone plan is low on minutes,” Jared lies, because he can practically hear the way Evan is shaking. “Are you at home?”

Evan seems to consider Jared’s words for several long moments that Jared spends pulling on a pair of tennis shoes with the phone pressed between his cheek and shoulder. Eventually, he sighs--Jared is pretty sure that means he’s seen through the lie, but doesn’t have it in himself to fight it--and admits that he’s at home by himself.

“Where’s Heidi?” Jared asks, tying his laces. “Work?” Evan gives an affirmative and Jared feels a burst of selfish frustration that he feels guilty about immediately afterwards. He  _ knows _ it isn’t her fault, but  _ still _ . “I’m on my way right now, be there in like five minutes.”

“Okay, um, I guess I’ll let you go so you can drive, then. Bye.” The line goes dead.

Jared grabs his keys and his wallet before sprinting down the stairs, stopping only to tell his mom that he’s heading to Evan’s place before practically flying out the door. His mom, sitting in the living room chatting with her siblings who are visiting for the holiday, just raises her wine glass in his direction as he passes and tells him to be safe.

It does indeed take just about five minutes to reach Evan’s house, and when he gets there he doesn’t even bother knocking on the door. He just goes in and spots Evan, curled up on the couch wearing sweatpants and a dark blue hoodie, and goes over to join him without a moment of hesitation.

Evan doesn’t even look surprised, just looks up at Jared with red-rimmed eyes and tries to give a weak smile that falls pretty flat. “Hey,” he says quietly. “You really didn’t have to come.”

“Well I guess I’ll just go home then,” Jared says with a roll of his eyes, plopping himself down on the couch with just a few inches of space between them, careful not to touch Evan until he makes it clear that’s what he needs. “What happened with daddy dearest? I thought things were okay after you visited for Thanksgiving?”

Evan sighs. “I thought so too, but I guess--I guess that wasn’t enough for him because he- he called and just said he didn’t like how we left things when I came home, so he wanted to see if we could, like, fix things I guess?” Evan’s eyebrows pinch together and he wrings his hands, and Jared knows that means he’s trying really hard to keep it cool. “But it’s like, how can we fix things when he thinks seeing me once a year and calling every few months means that he’s like the world’s greatest dad? I mean I know he has his other kids with Jennifer but like, that doesn’t mean he has to act like he knows  _ me _ , right? That doesn’t mean he knows what’s best for me, right?”

Jared nods, starting at the way Evan’s shoulders shake as he rambles through his explanation. It’s been awhile since he’s seen his friend so keyed up. He tries not to shudder when he realizes the last time he’d heard Evan raise his voice had been during their fight last year--the fight about the Connor Project that was really about all the ways Jared had fucked their friendship up. He firmly pushes that realization to the side. Now isn’t the time.

“You know, I think…” Evan says airily, “...probably the thing that makes me the most upset is that he won’t even listen! He got mad when he found out I’m not t-transferring to university next semester, even though I told him in November that I’m waiting until  _ next fall _ to transfer. And I told him that again and he asked if it’ll really take that long for my mom to save up the money, even though I  _ told _ him I’ve been working and saving up to pay for school on my own.” Evan’s eyes are wet now, and Jared fights the urge to wipe away the tears that are pooling at the corners of his eyes.

“It’s always been like this,” he continues. “He doesn’t know me, doesn’t listen to me, and then gets mad when I’m not the perfect little miniature  _ him _ that he expected me to grow up to be.”

Evan’s arms wrap around his middle protectively, and that’s when Jared decides it’s okay to reach over and put a hand on Evan’s shoulder. This isn’t a panic attack--wild and unpredictable and scary, and frankly out of Jared’s depth--it’s sadness. It’s sadness and anger and frustration, all built up over the last twelve years and finally starting to bubble over. Jared doesn’t always know what to do when Evan panics, but he thinks he can handle this much.

Evan leans into Jared’s touch, and Jared takes that as a sign to come closer. So he closes the gap between them on the couch, wrapping an arm around Evan’s shoulder to pull him in for what might be their first hug in...years. Evan just lets himself be held, and his shoulders shake in a way that tells Jared that the tears have started to fall, regardless.

“...What happened at Thanksgiving?” Jared asks, softly. “You didn’t really tell me anything except that you were going. I guess I didn’t think about what that might mean for you.”

Evan huffs out a noise that sounds like a mix of a barely-suppressed sob and a dry laugh. “It was horrible, Jared,” he says, sounding whiny and miserable. “Like, Jennifer was alright and the kids were fine--they’re just kids, y’know? But he just. He kept talking about me like he was bragging, but it was all stuff from when I was a little kid. He told Jennifer I was really big into baseball. I haven’t played baseball since I was six, Jared. Because I hate it and I was always terrible at it. Which he  _ knows _ .”

“What an ass,” Jared scoffs. “Even  _ my _ mom knows you better than that.”

"Right?” Evan says indignantly. “And then, he asked me what me and my mom were doing for Christmas.  _ Christmas _ , Jared.”

“Aren’t you Jewish?”

“Yes!”

“Ah. I see.” Jared pats Evan’s shoulder and heaves a sigh. “This guy sounds like as big a dickhead as ever. But what do you mean ‘how you left things’?”

Evan freezes. “What?”

“You said your dad didn’t like how you left things when you came back. What else happened?”

There’s a moment then when everything is quiet, and it even sounds like Evan has stopped breathing. Jared is suddenly hyper-aware of how close they are, how warm he feels having Evan so close for the first time since they used to share a bed during sleepovers as children. And for as comfortable as it was just a second ago, he suddenly feels way out of his element. He feels like he’s overstepping his bounds, like maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. His heartbeat picks up, and he hopes that Evan can’t hear it, because then things would get even more awkward.

He’s about to just apologize and let the issue slide when he feels Evan pull out from under his arm and away from his body. When he actually physically stands up and steps away from the couch, head hung low and arms wrapped protectively against his torso, Jared feels his whole body run cold.

“Ah, look, Evan…” he tries. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I just--”

“No! Um, it’s fine,” Evan says suddenly, cutting him off. Then he turns around to look at Jared and-- _ oh _ . 

His face is redder than Jared has ever seen it--like,  _ ever _ . His cheeks take the worst of it, but the pale skin of his neck, all the way down to the collar of his t-shirt is stained bright  pink. Whatever he’s so flustered about, Jared supposes he wasn’t meant to know about it.

But it seems like maybe he’s gonna know about it anyways. Evan’s eyes dart back and forth across the room like he’s trying to figure out some puzzle in his brain. Jared wonders what about this apparent secret is so hard to figure out.

“Okay so, um,” Evan begins, promisingly. His voice is quiet, nervous, and wobbly in a way that suggests he might actually pass out at any moment. Jared makes a mental note to keep an eye on him in case he looks like he’s gonna collapse. “It was the last day of my visit a-and we were all having dinner together at the house. And Jennifer a-asked me if I had a, um, a girlfriend. And I said no, obviously, but I guess that wasn’t--I mean, she wanted to know if I had seen anybody recently, and I just. I kind of panicked and told her I dated Zoe for a while? And then my dad said something like ‘wow that’s a surprise.’”

Jared wrinkles his nose, eyebrows pulling down in confusion. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Evan glances up at his face, wincing when he sees Jared’s expression.  _ Oh, oops, shit.  _ Jared tries to school his expression into something more inquisitive, less likely to be read as judgemental. He guesses it works, because Evan continues.

“W-Well he said, um. He said that he was surprised I was even interested in girls, being raised by my mom.”  _ Oh _ . Jared blinks, heart racing as he realizes what Evan is talking about. “A-And at first I was really upset, like, what’s that supposed to mean, y’know? And he said that he thought I’d, um, p-prefer boys since my mom probably exposed me to all k-kinds of stuff. A-And I told him that that wasn’t fair, y’know, to my mom, because it’s not like she did anything other than be there for me, right? And I guess I kind of said, um. Something like ‘it’s not my mom’s fault I like boys too’.”

Jared’s brain...kind of short circuits. He doesn’t realize he’s staring, open-mouthed, until Evan says his name in that quiet, uncertain tone he uses when he’s waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under him.

“Um,” Jared says, brilliantly. “Okay. So you’re like...bisexual?”

Evan nods. “Um, kinda yeah?” He’s got a vice grip around his wrist, and Jared can see the shaking even from where he’s still sitting on the couch. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it weird but I was planning on telling you anyways, but if you wanna just, I dunno, like--leave to process or something? I’d understand. B-But you don’t have to, I mean. I was just saying. Um.”

He’s floundering, still flushed a full-bodied pink that Jared is...incredibly distracted by. _ Fuck, man,  _ he thinks.  _ Cut that shit out right now. _

It’s really hard  _ not _ to be distracted, though. Evan is bisexual. Evan is attracted to boys. Jared is a boy. Evan could  _ conceivably _ find Jared at least  _ marginally _ attractive. It’s  _ not _ totally 100% out of the realm of possibility, and that’s kind of  _ fucking Jared’s entire world up _ .

But as cute as Evan is when he blushes, it’s less cute when he panics and Jared knows it’s his fault. He can see the way his friend’s breaths start to get shorter, the way he bites at his lip so hard that he’s on the verge of drawing blood.  _ Speak, you fool! _

“That’s, um. Cool.”  _ Goddammit _ . “I mean! Uh, thanks for telling me, I guess. I really didn’t expect that from you.” He hesitates before adding, “And I don’t like, mind or anything, if that’s what you were worried about.”

He watches the tension roll off of Evan in waves as he heaves a relieved sigh. “That’s, uh, good. Thanks. My dad--he wasn’t so, u-understanding, y’know?”

“Oh, shit, Evan,” Jared says, leaning forward in his seat. “What did he say? Was he a giant dick about that too?”

The thought of Evan’s dad being a homophobe is...disturbing, to say the least. Jared feels a protective instinct flare up in his chest, but it’s easily matched by the way his stomach lurches at the idea that someone as close to him as Evan could be directly affected by the same violence that had split his own family apart just a generation ago. In a way, it makes the concept feel all the more real in a way that fills Jared with fear. It isn’t like Evan’s dad can do anything to him from all the way in Colorado, but  _ still _ .

And what about Heidi? Realistically, he knows that the divorce had been a long time coming when it finally hit, and that much of that was likely because of an abundance of...ideological differences. But the fear is still there. What if she isn’t actually the cool, supportive mom he’s always made her out to be?

Evan huffs out a humorless laugh that belies just how fed up with this fucked up situation he is. “Y-Yeah, he kind of was,” he says, bringing one hand up to rub at the back of his neck. “He got really quiet at first, and then said how like, I was probably just  _ confused _ . God, he- fu- he asked me if I was doing alright with my medication, Jared!”

Okay, so now Evan is back to being frustrated and angry, and that cute pink flush of nervousness is replaced by an angry, splotchy red blush that sits right on top of his cheeks. He’s still standing, so Jared stands to meet his eye level, reaching out a hand tentatively as he takes a small step towards Evan. Evan plows on like he doesn’t notice.

“He just thinks everything that he doesn’t like about me is because of my mental illness, like every little thing is just a symptom of how- how  _ f-fucked up _ he thinks I am. How  _ broken _ I am.” And, there go the floodgates. Tears flow freely down Evan’s cheeks as soon as he says ‘fuck,’ which Jared kind of believes is the first time he’s ever said it. “He doesn’t know me, and he never fucking listens!”

Jared lurches forward, not bothering to ask before he envelopes his friend in a tight, full-bodied hug. Evan completely  _ collapses _ into his form, wrapping his arms around Jared’s waist and holding him like he’s going to disappear as soon as he lets go. His fingers, still shaky, dig into the fabric of Jared’s hoodie with so much force that Jared is surprised the fabric doesn’t tear.

And he’s not just crying anymore--he’s fucking weeping. It’s a full-on breakdown that Jared has to admit has been inevitable all night. He’s surprised it didn’t come sooner. But Evan, shaking and panting and obviously desperately in need of some real, human comfort, isn’t even finished.

“I couldn’t even stand up to him after that, Jared,” he sobs, sounding congested already. “I just excused myself from the table and hid in the guest room until it was time to go home. He didn’t even- h-he didn’t even drive me to the airport. Jennifer did.” And God, he sounds  _ so _ fucking  _ broken _ .

They stand there for what feels like an eternity while Evan cries and Jared just lets him do what he needs, stroking his back in a way that feels... honestly kind of foreign. But it isn’t bad, by any means. 

After a while, though, Evan’s thick, loud sobs turn into the soft, hollow kind that usually mean the episode is ending, and Jared guides him back to the couch where he can have his friend lean into his side instead. His shoulder is wet with tears and probably mucus, but he doesn’t bother to care. Instead, he focuses on rubbing slow, small circles into Evan’s shoulder and making nonsense noises like his mom used to do when he would cry. There’s a lot of “shhhhh” and “everything’s gonna be fine” and “it’s okay, you’re not alone” that he’s sure is going in one ear and out the other, but that’s fine, because they aren’t supposed to really do anything other than give Evan something to ground himself with.

When the crying calms down to a manageable sniffle, Jared looks down at Evan’s face, tear-streaked and splotchy, still.

“You think you’re gonna be okay?” he asks softly. Evan hesitates before giving a small nod.

“I’ll live,” he says dryly, pulling away from Jared again to sit up straight. He brings both hands up to dry his face, and Jared puts one hand on his knee for a reassuring pat. “Um, thanks. For coming over and...everything, I mean.”

“No problem,” Jared says easily, trying for a light tone. “Not like I was doing anything particularly important.”

“No,” Evan retorts, actually pulling back to look Jared in the eye. For once, his shaking is at a minimum, and Jared worries for a second that he’s in shock. But his eyes are serious and focused, and it’s actually kind of scary. He stares right through Jared’s glasses--he’s never done that before. “I mean it, Jared. Having someone here really helps. Thank you.”

“...right,” Jared finally relents under the unusual weight of Evan’s gaze. “Okay, uh. You’re welcome.” Evan looks away.

“And, uh,” he says. “Sorry about your jacket?”

Jared laughs.

It’s an hour later by the time they both feel like they’re comfortable enough to get off the couch and move on to better things--meaning the leftover cheese pizza Evan has stored in the fridge that he offers to heat up, even though it’s well past midnight at this point. While Evan is microwaving pizza for the two of them, Jared raids his pantry until he comes across powdered hot chocolate mix, and he ignores Evan’s insistence that it isn’t necessary and makes it anyways.

“The fuck do you mean ‘unnececssary’?” he asks, setting two mugs on the table. “This is literally the best time in the world for hot chocolate, Evan. I’m not gonna let you ruin this for me.”

Evan snorts, and he looks a little less empty inside. “If you say so.”

“I do.”

For a few moments, they just sit and blow on their drinks and listen to the ticking of the wall clock in the next room over. It’s quiet; the air seems peaceful, as if they didn’t just have a major feelings jam not thirty feet away with crying and everything. It feels like there’s nothing in the world that can shake this new sense of peace.

And then, of course, Jared completely ruins it by sipping his hot chocolate too early, scalding the fuck out of his tongue.

Jared shrieks like a little girl, Evan jumps up in a heartbeat and gets him a cold glass of milk to drink, and Jared finishes the glass feeling defeated and betrayed. When he says as much, Evan busts up laughing like Jared has never seen before.

“You know you’re ridiculous, right?” he says to Jared around a mouthful of loud giggling. Jared, who is still slumped over and staring at the offending mug, turns to Evan and sticks out his burnt tongue before hissing in pain and pulling it back in. Evan laughs harder.

In the end, it takes them far too long to drink the hot chocolate. Jared complains about driving home, so Evan offers him the couch; when he complains about not having pajamas, Evan offers him some of his own. When he tries to say that his mom will probably worry, Evan just gives him a knowing look because  _ he knows Jared’s mom _ . Jared ends up shooting her a text before curling up on the couch in a pair of Evan Hansen’s too-long pajama bottoms and wishing his best friend a goodnight as he disappears into his own room.

And then he’s alone, staring at the ceiling in Evan Hansen’s living room. It feels strange. When they were little, they used to sleep side-by-side in Evan’s bed. When they got older, Jared took to sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor beside the bed. By the time high school rolled around, Jared had stopped spending the night. He’s never slept on their couch before.

He tries not to think too hard about it.

Instead, he chooses to reflect on today--the things he’s learned, all the new things he has to worry about, and all the old ones that are at the forefront of his mind again. He would really like to punch Evan’s father in the face.

He’d really like to keep getting hugs from Evan.

Those two ideas don’t really have anything in common except Evan--Evan, who just came out to him less than two hours ago before physically crying on him in the middle of the night. Evan, who just the other day insisted that he  _ wasn’t  _ dramatic in the slightest. Evan, who has a cute smile and a cute blush and a cute  _ voice _ for fuck’s sake...Evan, who occupies every corner of Jared’s mind in the moments before he falls asleep, because he feels like they’re closer than ever today.

That night, Jared dreams of trees.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaand there we go! This part wasn't my favorite, but it's also not the last in this series, so oh well -shrug-
> 
> Thanks for reading, and a big thanks to all the beautiful people who read and reviewed Parts 1 and 2!!! You guys are awesome and literally fuel my life force so thanks for that.
> 
> Also the thing about Evan's dad not remembering Evan being Jewish was actually inspired by Chapter 12 of "Pain" by faraandmera so shout out to anyone who caught onto that. If you haven't read "Pain" I highly recommend!!! It's an amazing fic!


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